It has often been my thought that the process of naming a child is somewhat God-like. You as a parent are charged with finding nomenclature that will forever brand the child. It is with heavy heart that I have friends who have chosen to stick innocent children with such names (and spellings) as Brandi, Tiffani, Madyson, and other cutesy names. It boggles the mind to imagine addressing a balding, middle aged man with a paunch as 'Maverick', a name which research shows in becoming ever trendier. Why must parents look to best the next fecund couple with a trendier, cuter name in the ever more ridiculous world of baby monikers?
But, alas, even older names seem to contain a bit of the absurd. Take for instance the name Duane (or Dwayne, DeWayne, or Duwayne). This grandfatherly name could be mistaken, if one were to enter a conversation midword, as the sound a guitar makes mid cord. Said repeatedly to could be a vocal tribute to any number of rock songs and said with a Southern accent, country songs.
I propose that we revert back to a more personalized naming system. Allow parents of hapless infants to stick their offspring with what ever indecent name they choose and when the child comes of age allow them to pick a name that better reflects who they have become as an individual. Doubtless you will still come across the occasional Ashlei, Brittainny, or Mayson but it is my belief that the overall amount of insipid names would dramatically decrease. (Well, one can only hope)
