Button Lady

When you work in retail you and your co-workers tend to develop a kind of code for customers whose presence you dread. At my place of employ, one of these customers is know in the Apparel department as "Button Lady". Merely mentioning this code name produces a scattering of employees equal to, if not surpassing, yelling "Fire" or "Nuclear weapon in the house".

Let me describe for you the horrors Button Lady has inflicted upon the hapless apparel hirelings. This woman (and I use the term somewhat loosely) is not exactly a small person and she shops the plus size clothes regularly. She then proceeds to try on the selected garments but instead of fastening whatever buttons, snaps or zips that close the tops she yells "I need some help in here. Could someone help me? Does anyone work here? Hello! Hello!" repeatedly. She does this in sometimes fruitful attempts to force the unfortunate girl who answers the call to button the button or zip the zipper of the chosen piece of clothing, and once, even to tighten the straps of her bra (and yes, she still occupied the bra while straps were being tightened). Needless to say, this is not a pleasant task.

Consequently, whichever ill-fated colleague lets Button Lady into the fitting room walks away quickly and informs all other employees that our nemesis is about to make her nightly racket. Everyone then vacates the area until Button Lady stops yelling or the yelling has gone on for long enough that other customers begin to notice. As Button Lady tends to shop after 10 p.m. the disturbance to other shoppers is generally minimal and we can sometimes escape her nefarious calling (however unable we may be to escape the subsequent mess she makes with the undesirable garments).

When at last she leaves, the entire department heaves a sigh at relief that this monstrous shopper has vacated the premises. We then set about repairing the damage done and consoling anyone luckless enough to be caught in her claws.

This woman, while not typical, is one of the reasons why retail employees are desperately underpaid and under appreciated. In future posts I hope to further acquaint you with other demons of the retail world, who bear names like Bird Lady, Mart Kart Lady, Humming Man, and Lipstick. You have much to look forward to!