Jam Hands

Recently I have been in the presence of a toddler for extended periods of time and I have made some rather startling discoveries. The most intriguing one of these is what I like to call The Jam Hands Paradox.

It seems that the time of day, the food being eaten, the food previously eaten, nor the cleanliness of the child has any effect on decreasing the jamminess of the child's hands. His hands ALWAYS feel like he has been consuming copious amounts of jam, jelly or marmalade without the use of any sort of eating utensil. It seems that such comestibles as fruit snacks, milk, water, crackers, bread and all other child foods increase the Jam Factor.

Now this wouldn't necessarily be a huge problem except for the Touch Factor, in that a child of toddler years MUST TOUCH EVERYTHING. This includes blankets, pillows, chairs, couches, TVs, pets, curtains and anything else within reach. Unfortunately this leads to plenititudinous loads of laundry. A hassle I'm sure all can relate to.

That being said, I propose that scientists form a special research project devoted to curing Jam Hands. Perhaps in the form of a covering for tiny hands that allows freedom of movement or some sort of spray that dissolves the jammy substance without harming delicate fabrics or machinery (especially the TV and cell phone). Millions of mother everywhere would undoubtedly be grateful and the friends of parents would quite possibly leave annuities to The Jam Hands Research and Cure Center.